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THE TICKING CLOCK
JOURNAL ENTRY: 2nd November, 1998
Today, I learned I have cancer.
The words came at me like an out-of-control cuckoo searching for a nest. "You have cancer."
How can this be? Cancer happens to other people.
"You have cancer, and I don't think they'll be able to get it all out." That's what the radiologist
told me after the mammogram and before the sonar. He seemed mad with me. Why? I guess he
didn't like passing on the news. That made two of us. I didn't like receiving it. Maybe he'd had a
bad day. Again, that made two of us. Right now, I can't see me ever having a good day again.
What did he mean when he said he didn't think they'll be able to get it all out? Who's
"They" anyway? And why is it up to Them? It's strange. I didn't panic or cry. I just
felt . . . numb I guess. As if we were talking about someone else.
Once he'd finished the sonar, and I'd seen the tumour for myself, he told me to get dressed. On his
way out the cubicle, he paused and glanced back.
"Good luck."
Good luck? He tells me I have cancer, that They probably won't be able to get it all
out, and then he wishes me good luck? It'll take more than luck to pull me through whatever
lies ahead. This is going to test my faith in a way it has never been tested before.
I'm glad for that faith- a faith in God, who promises to always watch over me . . .
Yeah, right. So where is He now? How come He let me get cancer? If the radiologist is correct, my
time is running out. The clock that marks off the time I have left on earth is ticking. And I feel
so alone.
*****
REFLECTION:(Looking back, ten years later.)
"You have cancer!" The moment I heard those words addressed to me, my life
changed forever.
Ten years after that dreadful moment, I look back and see my life divided into two sections. There
is BC and AC: Before Cancer, and After Cancer.
Not all the BC was good, and certainly not all the AC is worth remembering. But that sentence,
those three harsh words, You have cancer, triggered a life-change. I would never be the same
again. I didn't know it then, and it took years before I saw it, but the Lord had an exciting
future mapped out for me.
I was fifty-two. Suddenly I knew my life had an end. The days left to me were limited. Whether the
mysterious They got it all out or not, even if I totally conquered this monster deep within
my breast, I knew one day I would run out of time. Whether I suffered a massive heart attack, got
run over by a drunken driver, or, God forbid, died of cancer, I only had a certain number of days
left.
Of course, that was always the case, but I was too busy to consider the length of my life. Now I
could think of nothing else. You have cancer!
The clock was ticking.
*****
GOD'S WORD:
It's strange how it often takes a moment of crisis to bring us to this point
of realizing our own mortality.
You have cancer. Have you just heard those mind-chilling words? Has your spouse, your child
or your friend? Suddenly the clock is ticking, and you face the reality-they are mortal. So are you.
I have good news for you. In Psalm 139 verse 16 David says, "All the days ordained for me were
written in your book before one of them came to be." (NIV)
The diagnosis of cancer makes no difference to that number of days. Those words, whether spoken in
anger or with compassion, did not catch God by surprise. Nor is He in a panic, wondering what to
do. Right now, wherever you are, stretch out your hand. Allow Him to take hold of it and walk with
you into the future. Your life is His.
Sure, the clock is ticking, but you know what? God made the clock . . .
*****
SURVIVAL STRATEGIES:
Listen to your doctor and specialists, but remember, this is your body. Make
informed decisions. Ask questions. Seek to understand. Take notes. But don't panic! Allow God to be
in control.
©Shirley M. Corder
The
story continues
. . .
Please bookmark this page and check back regularily. If you find it helpful, I would love you
to drop me an e-mail at
shirley@shirleycorder.com
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