THE GIFT OF A FRIEND

JOURNAL ENTRY:

Today, I realised the value of a true friend.

When I left the hospital I had to return to work to collect my bag and car keys. The pathology laboratory where I work is just across the road, and I hoped no one would see me. I didn’t feel capable of talking to anyone. I was still grappling with those words, You have cancer. I didn't need to hear people tell me how sorry they were.

I slipped in the side door of the laboratory and closed the door quietly. Mariette was sitting near the telephone and glanced up. I tried to smile, but I guess it didn't come out too well. Her fingers paused on the dial, then she thudded the receiver down on its cradle. She sprang to her feet. Demanded to know what was wrong.

"I have cancer!" The words sounded surreal. Not possible.

She stared at me with huge eyes, then rushed around the counter and threw her arms around me. Said it couldn't be true.

My point exactly.

As she held me, I started to tremble. I stammered through the bare facts of the time at X-ray. Mariette held me, massaging my shoulders as I spoke. When I stopped, she held me at arms' length and studied my face.

She told me what I already knew. The radiologist had no right to speak to me in such a way. I could get him into big trouble if I wanted to; but what's the point? Mariette reminded me that this guy has nothing to do with my future in any case. Nor does the surgeon, come to that. They are only instruments in God's hands.

She pointed out that according to the Bible, God knew how many days I would have on earth before I was born. She doesn't believe I'm finished yet.

I hope she's right.

She smoothed my fringe back from my forehead, like Mum used to do when I was little. Then she said something really special. "We're going to fight this thing, and we'll win. We're in this together."

A sense of calm took over. She's right. I'm not alone. God and my friends are on my side. We're going to win. Maybe.

Mariette put on the kettle, and we prayed together. Thank God for friends.

*****

REFLECTION: (Ten years later.) As I look back over the years, I am so grateful for Mariette's friendship and comfort that awful afternoon. She helped defuse my pent-up emotions before I drove home to face the family.

My first reaction was to keep it to myself. I wanted to process the diagnosis and work through the implications, to plan how to tell people and figure out my next step. In other words, I wanted to be in control. Yet I actually needed a shoulder to lean on, someone to love me and tell me they'd be there for me.

I didn’t need vain platitudes. I would hear plenty of those in the days to come. Right then, I needed someone who would acknowledge the seriousness of my situation, but remind me of Someone far greater. Mariette, as a nurse, knew the implications of my diagnosis. But she was also a Christian, and she knew my God.

Mariette was the first person I spoke to after I left the radiologist. I hadn’t yet come to terms with the diagnosis or decided how to speak about it. I couldn’t pretend to cope. I was at my most vulnerable. Although I didn’t recognize it at the time, I had just received the first of many important lessons on the rocky road to recovery: the value of being me.

It was probably the lowest moment of my entire life. I didn’t need a pep talk or a lecture on faith. I wasn’t ready to hear other cancer stories, or to be told to “praise the Lord in all circumstances”. Mariette allowed me to be real.

That day, as never before, I realised that there are times when we need to be ourselves; to not have to pretend we are braver than we are. Mariette allowed me to show my emotions, then she offered me the greatest gift a friend can give. She said, "We're in this together."

*****

GOD'S WORD: We’re in this together! What special words. So often we think we can manage alone, when God doesn’t intend us to do so.

“Love each other as brothers and sisters,” commanded Paul in Romans 12 verse 10, “and honour others more than you do yourself.”

It is often easier to love others than to allow them to love us. You cannot walk the cancer road alone. Nor must you try. As you open yourself up to others and allow them a glimpse into your life and struggles, you give them a chance to be there for you.

Not only does that assist you at a time you need it desperately, it also helps them. They no longer feel inadequate, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

Share your hurts and fears with those closest to you. Allow them to support you emotionally. Let them hold your hands as you walk into the future, knowing that God will guide you together. Above all, be real.

*****

NEW SURVIVAL STRATEGIES: If you feel that you truly have no one, realise that there are others in the same situation. Seek out someone who needs your friendship. Link up with a church group. Attend the cancer association meetings. Look on the web for a cancer buddy. Be a friend, and you will soon find you have found one for yourself.

God doesn't intend you to go through this alone. Reach out a hand to someone else who is facing the same trauma and say, "We'll do this together."

©Shirley M. Corder


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