WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN?

©2006 Shirley Corder

In a small village in northern Africa there is a missing generation. There are grandparents, and grandchildren; but few parents. Aids has wiped out almost an entire generation. Yet take a look around you. We too seem to have lost a generation—and not because of illness. Infants seem to move from babyhood to teenage with scarcely a look at childhood.

Looking for a gift for my newborn granddaughter, I cringed at a range of sturdy denim jeans, complete with press-studs to enable a nappy change. I rejected a 0-3 month T-shirt with a slogan I wouldn’t want to see on my teenaged granddaughter. Why would any mother put her soft, cuddly baby into hard fabric like denim? Why dress an infant as a teenager?

In the United Kingdom, a chain store recently sparked fury by selling black lacy bras. You may think this narrow-minded, until you learn that the bras were for girls of six and up. Mothers and children’s charities reacted in fury at the company’s see-through range, saying it encouraged paedophiles. Another firm withdrew their G-strings for nine-year-olds after an uproar from parents.

An Australian parent says his 10-year-old daughter wants to dress in "as little as possible—summer or winter."

A friend recently overheard two three-year-olds commenting on their jeans. Said the one, "I like yours ‘cos they’re sexy."

Last week I was invited to admire my friend’s daughter. It was her graduation dinner and dance. Tanya* had just turned thirteen. She was moving to high school. What happened to braais, parties, and outings?

In London, a 12-year-old child went for a walk after school with a few of his friends. When he arrived home he proudly displayed a small silver stud inserted into his newly pierced tongue.

Saddened by the plight of babies who lose their baby hair, a Californian based company, has created a set of wigs for these desperate infants. Now your baby can have Samuel Jackson’s Pulp Fiction look or real estate mogul Donald Trump’s comb-over. If you want something even more with-it, you can chose reggae icon Bob Marley’s famous dreadlocks or singer Lil Kim’s flowing pink tresses. For your six-month old!

For some years, the toy industry was concerned about the lack of playthings for little girls who outgrow dolls. Apart from Barbie and her peers, there was little for girls of 7, 8 and 9. The manufacturers solved their problem. They filled the void with cosmetics. At the recent American Toy Fair in New York, at least half-a-dozen companies displayed makeup for children.

Of course, it’s not just about fashion. At times we all forget the age of our children. I remember expressing annoyance to my over-tired seven-year old.

"Stop being childish!" I snapped.

He stared at me with baffled brown eyes. "But I is a child!"

All over the world, so-called "Latchkey kids" return from school to an empty home. Children of elementary age often have a list of chores to accomplish. Parents expect positive choices and wise use of time, concepts beyond the grasp of such young children who long to cry, "But I is a child".

Cindy*, a four-year-old in America who loved pre-school, graduated to the "big class" for older children of four- to five-year-olds. When she began coming home tired and unhappy her mother learned that the teacher was keeping the little girl in after school because she couldn’t finish her work in time. Imagine. A four-year-old who couldn’t keep up!

Many children carry cell phones, and in the more affluent areas even pagers and palm pilots to keep track of their hectic schedules of dance lessons, organised school games, music lessons, judo and gymnastics to name a few. Physical activities are important. Learning to play team games equips children for adult life. But when their agendas rule out time for play and "let’s pretend" games, we are robbing them of their childhood.

From tiny, many children play computer games meant for older teens or adults. William Doherty, professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, points out that children are exposed to adult television and unsupervised Internet access. "They get into the rock videos at very young ages, which is really adult-oriented in terms of sexuality," he observes.

Unthinking parents confide in young children, covering subjects like divorce, finances and remarriage. How terrifying for a seven-year-old to choose which parent she will live with.

Children have different needs to adults. They live in their own little world; or they should. An e-mail currently doing the rounds of our inboxes marvels at the survival of those who grew up in the 30’s to 80’s. "We did not have Playstations, Nintendos, X-boxes. We had no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms . . ." The cyber message continues. "We had friends, and we went outside and found them!"

Many of the restrictions placed on the age group officially categorised "children" are necessary for their safety. But let’s get real. We need to create an environment where they can enjoy the few years between babyhood and teenager. We need to stop making children into little adults. There are plenty grownups out there, and a whole generation of teens. Let’s bring back the children.

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